Office Ettiquette

1. Type on your computer whenever someone walks past

   Be the office assassins creed and hit that keyboard when the office guards approach. You don’t want to be caught off guard at any point. ever.

2. Clear out your food from the fridge

   Everybody loves clearing out week old fungus from the shelves. Oh wait. No. No they don’t. And they especially don’t want it anywhere their own food!

3. Send emails at absurd hours

   This is especially important to come across as a workaholic. All those in the office will revel at your nocturnal ability while still maintaining grammatical correctness.

4. Don’t choose the toilet cubicle next to an occupied stall

   Where possible of course. This is especially important when communal office toilets are shared by more than one company on your floor. Nobody likes peeing in close proximity to others – wall or no wall.

5. Keep your desk messy

   You know what they say about messy handwriting? The same applies to your desk.

6. Do not let your s*** spill over onto my desk

   Despite no.5, keep your items on your side of the desk. Do not invade my person space and keep your mess to yourself.

7. Stomp, don’t walk

   Really slam your feet into the ground. no need to walk casually from desk to desk when you could walk with purpose. Not only will this make you look busy, but it’ll give your legs a great workout!

8. Always look stony faced

   Don’t want to be bothered be annoying colleagues or lumbered with cumbersome grunge work? Look intensely at your computer like you’re super engrossed in work work – no disruptions allowed!

9. Please bring in fish to be microwaved for your lunch

   We all love the smell of tuna, you know, the can that’s been sitting at the back of your cupboard for months. And if you really want to make friends, do it on a Monday, when co-workers are the most cheeriest!

10. Never leave the office on time

    Get in work before anyone else, even if your shift doesn’t start until later. Don’t leave until you are the last one standing either. That’ll earn you extra brownie points.